


Come back to me

by Dandelion (yukitsubute)



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Feelings, Get Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance, Sad Spencer Reid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 23:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15011981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukitsubute/pseuds/Dandelion
Summary: Derek has left the BAU, leaving a sad Spencer behind.





	Come back to me

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy, thanks for reading to everyone, hope you like it. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are loved. 
> 
> I am not a native ;)

Spencer stared into his book, but he didn’t actually read. He couldn’t. His thoughts were spinning and he couldn’t concentrate on something else than these immense feelings inside him. 

“Spence, what are you thinking about?” JJ sat next to him, and he could feel her hand brushing his. He didn’t like being touched, but some people were allowed to enter his private space, touching him. One of those was JJ. 

“Nothing,” Spencer lied. He looked at JJ, who just pulled her eyebrows up, staring at him in disbelieve. She knew him, definitely, and Spencer knew that she didn’t believe that everything was alright. “I just think about the last case?” Spencer more asked than said. 

“Of course,” JJ said. She rolled her eyes, her hand still resting on Spencer’s, squeezing it slightly. “We all miss him.” 

It was their first case since Derek had left the BAU for a different job. Of course Derek wasn’t gone from their life, but it was different than before. Spencer felt like something was missing. “It feels strange, doesn’t it?” Spencer asked with the hope that JJ would agree to this. 

“Yes it does,” it was David turning from the seat in front of Spencer. He smiled at him. “But you’ll see him soon again.” David tried to cheer him up, but he failed. 

“He works in a different city, David. I won’t see him that often.” Spencer knew he sounded sadder and more concerned that he should sound, but in the end the whole team knew what Derek meant to Spencer. They were profiler after all and Spencer knew they had created his profile and they knew that Derek meant more to him that he maybe should mean to him. Sometimes Spencer hated it that he was thinking about everything hundred times a day. 

And in the end he had thought about everything so long that it was too late now. Derek was gone before he could explain his feelings to the other. He was torn between anger and relief. At first he couldn’t explain this feeling, but now he probably had the reason he felt like this. If Derek would have had the same feelings, he wouldn’t have gone and with that leaving him behind. That was Spencer’s feeling of relief, but he was also angry because he had always thought that Derek wouldn’t leave him. Not because he felt more than friendship, like Spencer did, no, because he thought Derek would stay at his side as friend and protector. But he was wrong, Derek decided to leave him. Spencer couldn’t prevent the feeling of being betrayed. 

Derek had called him various times during the last weeks, and he had sent him messages, but Spencer had ignored him. He knew he maybe acted like a sulking kid, but he felt damn hurt, and it was hard to make him feel like this, because normally he didn’t let any human that close to his private sphere. 

Derek had been an exception. Spencer had immediately felt close to the other, and at one point he had also realized that there were feelings he couldn’t describe, but he tried pushing them away. He had never been honest with what he felt, and now it was too late. Derek was gone, and he wouldn’t be back soon. Spencer had had his chance, and he had failed.

“Maybe he will visit us soon?” Spencer knew JJ just wanted to cheer him up, but this had the opposite effect. He felt more nervous now. How should he explain why he hadn’t answered any message Derek had sent him.

His heartbeat increased and he could feel a knot in his throat building. Sometimes it annoyed him that he was so intelligent, but feelings were something he couldn’t handle well, even though he had an IQ from over 187. Why couldn’t his brain do this work for him? Why were these damn jumps in his belly and his fast heartbeat? He couldn’t get it.

“Hm, maybe,” he finally answered JJ and turned to look out of the window, to signalize her that he didn’t want to talk any further.

~~~

_Pretty boy, I don’t know why you aren’t talking with me anymore, but I wanted to tell you that I am going to visit you tomorrow. Derek_

Spencer read the message again and again when he was on the way in the office. He had already thought about calling in sick, but he wouldn’t prevent Derek from visiting him, so he needed to face him now, and maybe it was the best to face him together with the others. Maybe it would become less embarrassing then, because Derek and Spencer wouldn’t have time to talk alone with each other.

Spencer could already hear Penelope laughing loudly and he didn’t need anything more to know that Derek was already here. He closed his eyes and took some deep breaths before he walked into the meeting room. Spencer blinked. Derek had always been good-looking, but after not seeing him for almost two months, he looked much more adorable. “Pretty boy,” Derek said with a smile and Spencer immediately wanted to turn and run away, but his feet felt like iron, he couldn’t move.

“Derek,” he said with a hoarse voice. He gulped. Had it always been that hard to talk with the other? Derek stepped closer and Spencer could already see him wanting to hug Spencer. He knew his walls would break down when the other would do this, so he turned and excused himself for a moment.

He leaned against the cold wall in the toilet, taking some deep breaths. Damn Derek, and damn feelings. Who invented something like this? The world would have been better without these hovering butterflies in his stomach. And who said that these were butterflies? Such a stupid comparison to what he felt in his belly.

Of course he knew that Derek would follow him. “Spencer, what’s up?” Derek asked. His voice was still mesmerizing. Spencer didn’t say something and just looked away. “Are you still mad, because I left?”

“Mad?” Spencer asked. No, he had never been mad, he was sad and disappointed and he acted like this now, because he wanted to push his feelings away. He didn’t want to slip deeper into this chaos of being in love – god, this was the first time he admitted himself that he was in love. And this love would be an unrequited one. “No, I am not mad.”

“So why are you avoiding me when you aren’t mad?”

Spencer swallowed. “Okay, maybe I am a little bit mad.”

“No, no, what is the truth about your actions, Spencer.” Derek looked at him. “Don’t forget, I am a profiler after all.”

Spencer sighed. “Okay, I fear I miss you a little bit too much, and I fear it’ll get worse when I see you now.” This was too honest. Spencer shouldn’t have said that.

“I am sorry for making you feel this way,” Derek said. He stepped in front of Spencer and was now far too close to him. Spencer could see Derek’s hand rising and before he was able to step back, Derek brushed his thumb over Spencer’s cheek and left a hot trail down his cheek with his touch.

“I really wish that you are happy with your decision, but a part in me wishes that you decide to come back to me,” Spencer said. “Us…I mean back to us,” he corrected himself, but he knew this was a Freudian slip.

Derek smiled at him. “I miss you – and I mean everyone, but I miss YOU.” He pointed at Spencer.

“Well, it can’t be helped, right?” Spencer said. His mind was kind of blank, but he tried to act as cool as possible.

“Maybe it can,” Derek said. He laughed when Spencer stared at him with eyes wide open.

“What do you mean?” His heart made some uncomfortable jumps.

Derek put his hands in his pockets. “I decided to come back.”

Spencer thought he had misheard something. “Did you say you’ll come back?”

Derek smiled at him. “Yeah.”

“Why?” Spencer asked.

“Don’t you want me back here?” Derek asked.

“Of course I want, but I don’t understand your decision.” Spencer still couldn’t believe that this would become true.

“It was the wrong decision to leave. I miss everyone so much, and I am so afraid that something might happen to one of you. I can’t stand this,” Derek explained.

“I think everyone will be more than happy to see you back,” Spencer said. “And I will be super happy too.” Again this was maybe too honest, but Spencer had the feeling that it was nevertheless too late hiding his feelings.

“You are a major reason for my decision, Spence.” Derek was again close to him. “And I hope that we can maybe go out together when I am back next week.”

Spencer blushed. Going out with each other? This was more than he had ever wished for. “I would love that.”

“And now let me hug you, like I wanted to do it at the beginning,” Derek said and pulled on Spencer’s shoulder without waiting for an answer.

The embrace felt warm and Spencer let himself being drowned in the closeness with the other. He had wished for this to happen so long, and now he got this embrace which was definitely more than just a ‘I am back’ hug. It was something deeper, something more important. And he could feel Derek’s warmth spreading over his body. It was like Derek showed him now what Spencer meant to him, and it made Spencer’s belly and heart stop racing. He felt calm and he knew everything would be alright from now on. His big brother and probably something more was next to him again. He nuzzled his head in Derek’s neck and inhaled the other’s scent. He had so missed it.

“If I wouldn’t know that you hate touches and you never let someone touch you, I would have said that you are a cuddling-monster the way you cling to me now,” Derek said with a laugh.

“I am not,” Spencer started, but he couldn’t say something because Derek had captured his lips with his own and Spencer couldn’t complain something, but in the end he probably didn’t want to complain anything right now – maybe he was a cuddling monster, at least for Derek…


End file.
